Adopting and Foster Parents
 Knowledge is power for the adopting families and foster parents.  If the parents have the information and tools they need to provide support; then children will need less help in dealing with their emotions.  If we teach them appropriate and adequate ways to process negative emotions they will have a balanced and productive life. Understanding that the energetic and emotional environment your child was created in matters.  Living inside a mother who is not connecting and knows she is giving up her child effects the emotional well being of that child and on the other side the mother can create unhealthy attachments to the child if she is conflicted about letting her child go. Knowing how to help your child when that time comes is crucial to them being able to process this loss of connection or learn that connecting with people you love can be mutually beneficial and does not always end up in loss.
Your child comes to you "preprogrammed" with emotions, DNA and thought processes that you will have very little, if any, knowledge about.  The more information you can have and the more prepared you are for possible scenarios, the better you will be at helping your child develop into a whole, emotionally healthy adult.
 Adopting a child is often viewed by the adopting parents as an answer to prayers and a very joyous occasion.  It is sometimes hard to recognize that this event may not feel quite so joyous to the child.  Your child may be in shock and feel traumatized.   Often children do not or can not express their feelings to their families due to fear.  If these feeling are not addressed your child will carry this baggage into adulthood.  It will affect their relationships with partners and with their own children  There is no reason for you to believe this is something you should know how to do. Your child will need to process grief, loss and abandonment from someone they never physically knew.  Only a small percentage of the population ever has this situation, therefore it is difficult for many to understand.  It is also difficult for your child to understand these feelings and to know how to start the process once they are mature enough to do so. Therefore knowing what support they may need can also be difficult. This will be a journey for your adopted child, that will take time, patience and support.  I can provide perspective through my own personal experience and experiences of others to bring understanding and acceptance to challenges that present themselves.
When you carry and give birth to a biological child there is a bond created in that process that does not exist with your adopted child.  I call this bond a bridge.  This bridge needs maintenance in a biological setting and it can be destroyed by neglect.  In an adoption situation you must build that bridge from scratch.  If you do not build that bridge your adopted child has a great chance of feeling alone and lost.
Finding the compassion in your heart and letting go of ego in this process is essential to your child's well being.  You will need to acknowledge your child's birth parents.  They will have a need to love them, be angry with them, forgive them and mourn them.  These are normal human feelings that we all have when we loose someone unexpectedly and unfairly.  Just because the person is only a baby does not diminish these feelings in their heart and their subconscious mind.   You are a true blessing to your child and no one will ever do for them what you have. It will be much easier for your child to know this if you know how to support them in their feelings about their birth parents. They will look to you for guidance about how to deal with their emotions, as all children do. 
Studies have been conducted on adoptees.  Often these studies have shown there is an increased rate in the adopted population for suicide, teen pregnancy, drug and alcohol addiction, juvenile detention and depression.  This seems to be correlated to the stress that they endured in the womb and in the days, weeks, months or years following the separation from their birth parents.  International adoptions can complicate, as the child can have longer periods of separation, as well of feelings of loss of country, culture and tradition and therefore a greater loss of identity.  As your child becomes a teen, it is so important to have a feeling of belonging somewhere to someone and if your bridge was not built, it will be increasingly difficult for your child to receive support from you, even if you are providing it. Your child can be to fearful to accept love and support because they have not processed the betrayal they feel from their biological connections and feel safer in denial of the support, after all, if you do not let new people in, you have no chance of being hurt.  It is a common human reaction to emotional pain.  Also your child can feel resentment toward you, due to unrealistic thought processes that you had something to do with them being "taken" from their biological parents. So, being open to all your child's feelings and allowing them to feel whatever feelings they have is part of building the bridge. This will give your adopted child a place to trust again. 
Read about all the therapy provided by Live To Be Restored:
 Adoption Consultation Adoption Advocacy Adoption Awareness
 Adoption Consultation Adoption Advocacy Adoption Awareness
 Adoption Consultation Adoption Advocacy Adoption Awareness
 Adoption Consultation Adoption Advocacy Adoption Awareness
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